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I have often been asked, and asked others in turn, one particular question about dreams: “Have you ever died in your dream?”

The answer is usually ‘yes’.

For me the answer is, “Twice actually”.

Now I do not know what dying in one’s dream indicates but for me the two experiences were polar opposites.

The first time I dreamt of my life ending was about seven years ago. I was around 14 years old and had an unhealthy curiosity about death (still do, though it has now mellowed). It was a short simple dream. I was simply falling from a tall building (seemed corporate), from the amount of surprise I felt, or lack thereof, I reckoned this was a suicide attempt. I fell through the sky for quite some time and I had my back to the ground. But a few moments before I was about to hit the ground, I decided to turn my head and look at my final destination. All I saw was a white light rushing up to meet me. I turned back around as I saw the light engulf me. I felt no pain, all I felt was peace, thinking: This is how death feels? Wow that was no trouble at all.

And then I woke up. I have said this before, I will say it again. My dreams sometimes make me feel things that I have never felt in real life. The peace I felt when the light enveloped me is something I have never been able to recreate in real life, so far. Maybe that’s not what life is for, maybe you’re not supposed to feel absolute peace while you’re alive, nonetheless it had felt surreal. And as much as I hate to admit it, I had felt slightly disappointed that I had woken up.

The second time I ‘passed away’ was not nearly this pleasant. It was murder.

This one I saw about three years past, and it concerned a friend of mine who has the same first name as me. This Sandy is (was?) a tad arrogant and immature, and that behavior was reflected in this dream.

So I see a younger version of Sandy (I have known her since grade 3, so I knew how she looked as a child), about 10 years old, playing with her friends. They stop short when they spot a baby crow, wounded. Apparently my subconscious believes that her arrogance and immaturity make her an animal (bird) abuser (she actually treats animals with kindness though). Hence I see her approach the crow and proceed to torture it (pelting it with stones mostly), while her friends ask her to stop.

She was never one to listen though, and she doesn’t here. Suddenly a large black figure appears in front of them. The mother of the child, the mama crow, is about 6 feet tall and a supernatural being. The other children run but Sandy isn’t so fortunate. She can only stare in horror as the mother crow engulfs San in her sable wings. Did I mention I have corvidophobia (fear of crows)? Well I do. And I know this crow element had emerged from a particular story I had read before bedtime that night, one containing a large number of human-like crows.

Presently Sandy is missing, her body never having been found. I have, for some inexplicable reason, taken it upon myself to search for her. I am some sort of detective or I have teamed up with one (sorry I’m not sure), and we have set out together to look for her.

We reach the place she was last spotted. And somehow I know she’s gone, and that it is dangerous for me to venture into something like this. But I convince myself the crow won’t hurt me, because I have done her no harm.

I am snooping about the area when the great black crow appears before me, almost like Batman. My dream goes into movie mode now, with the “camera” suddenly focusing on the detective I had teamed up with. He stands still,not at all astonished by what he is seeing before his eyes. The camera zooms in to get a close up of his face, and I see him smile, a rather evil smile.

What happens next is too fast for me to see, but I realize the crow has somehow pecked at my heart (quite literally) and I am bleeding out. I fall to my knees as the man who was with me walks up to stand beside the crow, both of them watching me. Watching me die. I look at them with nothing but pure shock written all over my face. I see them fading, and eventually my vision fades to black.

I wake up.

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